you’re really only 14 in the soul
that would go a long stretch
toward explaining your grief
and would confirm your enduring
suspicion you are not at all
in control of your life
nor but in the loosest sense
free yet as a person to accomplish
most of your original potential
let alone the new obligations
accrued along the way
the heart always lags behind
or runs on far ahead
refusing to grow old or end
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